By William A. Smith, LCSW
Certified EMDR Therapist
Partner, The Atlanta Marriage and Mediation Clinic
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, commonly known as EMDR, is a powerful model of psychotherapy that may help people process trauma, anxiety, grief, and other distressing experiences.
EMDR can be especially valuable for people involved in separation or divorce who are struggling to find a sense of calm, clarity, and emotional stability during a difficult life transition.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR is often described as a therapy approach that combines elements of cognitive behavioral therapy with bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements or gentle vibrations. It is widely used in the treatment of trauma and is often recommended for issues such as military trauma, car accidents, physical assault, and other distressing events.
What is less often discussed is the role EMDR can play in treating psychological trauma connected to relationships, separation, and divorce.
How Relationship Trauma Can Affect Divorce
Relationship trauma can come from many experiences, including dysfunction, abandonment, codependency, toxic relationships, abusive relationships, affair recovery, or the grief of an important relationship ending.
For many people, the end of a marriage can feel similar to grief. It may bring sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, or a deep sense of uncertainty about the future.
If attachment trauma is left untreated, it can affect both current and future relationships. It may contribute to trust issues, becoming overly clingy, avoidant or isolated behavior, or difficulty becoming vulnerable with another person.
Listen to Will's Podcast on EMDR Therapy and Divorce
Or read the full article on emdr therapy for divorce.
Why EMDR May Help During Separation or Divorce
EMDR has developed a strong reputation as a therapy model for helping people process trauma, depression, anxiety, and phobias. In relationship settings, it may help clients work through painful memories, emotional triggers, and strong physical reactions connected to the relationship or divorce process.
For someone going through separation or divorce, EMDR may help reduce the intensity of emotional responses and make it easier to think clearly, make decisions, and move forward.
What Happens During an EMDR Appointment?
In an EMDR appointment, the client meets with the therapist in a comfortable office setting. The client may be asked to think about a distressing memory, belief, or experience while engaging in what is called bilateral stimulation.
Bilateral stimulation involves quick, consecutive stimulation of each side of the brain, often through guided eye movements, tapping, or vibrations.
The goal is to help the brain process distressing memories in a healthier way. Many clients find that this process allows them to gain insight and reduce the emotional intensity connected to painful experiences.
The Mind-Body Connection in Divorce Trauma
EMDR also pays attention to the body’s response to emotional pain. People sometimes forget how strong the mind-body connection can be, especially when trauma involves the nervous system.
Clients involved in divorce or separation often describe physical reactions when reminded of their relationship. They may feel as though they have been punched in the gut, feel hollow or nauseous, become tense, have trouble catching their breath, sob, or experience rage.
One goal of EMDR is to help clients reach a point where they can think about a difficult memory or idea without experiencing such a strong physical response.
Other Relationship Issues EMDR May Help Address
EMDR may also be useful in other relationship settings, including:
- Trust issues
- Affair recovery
- Attachment wounds from past relationships
- Resentment
- Relationship anxiety
- Emotional baggage from parents or past partners
- Fear of starting over after divorce
When to Consider EMDR Therapy
Attachment and relationship trauma can create long-lasting emotional and psychological effects. People experiencing depression, anxiety, phobias, behavioral changes, or strong physical responses as a result of an unhealthy relationship may want to consider EMDR as one possible path toward healing.
As with many areas of healthcare, addressing the problem early can help reduce the long-term impact. Being seen earlier in the divorce or separation process may help minimize emotional distress and support better decision-making.
Finding an EMDR Therapist
Local EMDR practitioners can be found through the EMDR International Association directory at
www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/.
I would also be happy to personally consult with anyone who is interested in EMDR for attachment trauma. I can be reached at
William.Smith@atlmmc.com.
Good luck.
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